Keep loving your kids

Divorce Your Partner, Not Your Kids NEW TITLE Keep Loving Your Kids A parent's standards can define his offspring. If a couple becomes separated by divorce their child's life seems to be torn into two. While each of two parents want to move forward along their separate paths, he and she can help the children cope. Whether the parents part amicably or as stern adversaries each child's personality will change. If the adults can focus on reassuring each child as their priority, then the children will have a positive model for coping during a difficult time. From Divorce Onwards Even in these days of "no fault" divorce, the former wife is very frequently granted custody of the children. As a result, the children live with one parent while the other adult establishes a new residence. The settlement or court's decree specifies the rules for visits involving the non-custodial parent. The range of times can be frequent and informal to briefer times weekly or monthly to not at all. The definite stronger on the children is the parent they live with. The single parent's love does not decrease. The result of a single parents increased time and influence is not as balanced as prior to the divorce. One influence of a single parent is additional exposure to the negative attributes of her negative traits. While this is usually not intentional it still occurs. If the current parent of the children is bitter the children will be aware of the bitterness no matter how well she tries ti hide it. They probably will grow to resent the absent parent. Their social development will be affected to a lesser or greater extent. It's also possible that an overly dependent personality may develop. This could limit the development of his own personhood. Remaining an Active Parent Divorced parents must continue to behave responsibly towards their children. If they can put their personal differences behind them then the children will feel they have a secure future. While they are no longer husband and wife, a loving father and loving mother should clearly be a positive model. Encouragement from the custodial parent to reach out to the other parent is very positive. The non-custodial parent may tend to drift away in terms of time and responsibility. Remaining an active part of your child's life is very important even though it takes considerable energy. A promise that you make to your son is a real commitment. He may very well translate a broken promise to meet for a movie, to indicate growing attitude of not caring. Living away from your children can become overly comfortable. Your parental responsibilities may depreciate without your realizing it. For your own health, make a specific decision to stay in contact and be responsible. A lack of interest and disconnection can cause harm that is permanent. A Stronger Bond With Children A parent choosing to spend quality time with the children is very healthy for all of them. After a divorce is final the newly single parent is probably free of the tensions of the previous year. Any frequent squabbles with the other one can be left in the past. Both parents have an opportunity to be seen at their best by the children. The responsibilities to the children can be shared equally. The bond that will develop can improve and become very special to everyone. There is an opportunity, for example, for dad to take junior to soccer and mom take him to a library event and all three to see a movie. Once everyone is out of an unhappy atmosphere the improvement will be at least above adequate. Maintaining communication among all involved is an improvement that is healthy for everyone. Parents who are able to express feelings freely are a model that encourages kids to do the same. This changed attitude will help the children regain confidence and rebuild their relationship to each parent. Children of a divorce often sense what seems like the approach of a huge bulldozer. A separated couple who can step back and support each of their kids can greatly reduce the tensions of a divorce. Children are very resilient. They can cope with very abusive situations with proper support from caring adults. If both parents are in that caring group they will grow up healthy.